


Love is a Bitch

by BatchSan



Category: Steven Universe (Cartoon)
Genre: Angst, F/F, Femslash, Fuckbuddies, Heartbreak, Hurt/Comfort
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-02-26
Updated: 2016-02-26
Packaged: 2018-05-23 07:09:47
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,039
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6108967
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BatchSan/pseuds/BatchSan
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Lapis doesn't believe in love. </p><p>Or, Learning to trust and the sometimes unfortunate effect of it.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Love is a Bitch

**Author's Note:**

> I've been in a writing funk for the last few months and I got this out at some point. Think I originally wrote it for a prompt? Can't find it though, so meh, here you all go anyway. =)
> 
> Also, I don't specify whether this is human AU or just future!fic, so feel free to read it as either or.

Lapis didn't consider Pearl a close friend - they knew some of the same people like Steven and Peridot, but Lapis was a loner. She was content that way. People only ever seemed to be out to hurt her, most of them it seemed, at least. 

Yet despite that, Lapis considered Pearl an acquaintance, though not a particularly close one. It was better to hold people at arm's length. She did, however, and reluctantly, allow herself to feel… something, for Pearl. They kissed one night after one too many drinks, but Lapis hadn't been intoxicated. Pearl had been, though. Pearl was cool despite the hot night and surprisingly tender despite her intoxication. Lapis thought she could kiss her forever but she wasn't foolish enough to think it was legit on Pearl's behalf. It was the alcohol’s fault, she felt. 

They kissed again at Steven’s birthday party not even two months later. Pearl was in the kitchen, putting the finishing touches on Steven’s cake while he, Connie, Amethyst, and even Garnet played Red Light, Green Light outside. Lapis wanted to play too but she also wanted to talk to Pearl. The thin woman was humming happily to herself as she cleaned up icing from the counter beside the cake. When she turned to see whom had come inside the house Lapis saw she had overlooked a yellow streak of icing on her cheek. 

“Lapis, are you done playing already?”

“No, I wasn't playing.”

“I don't blame you. They are all much too old for children’s games. Steven is seventeen years old today and yet he was the first one asking for a piñata.” Pearl then sighed and glanced at a wall in the living room. “Which made Amethyst want Pin-the-Tail-on-the-Donkey. Honestly, this is a teenage boy's birthday party not a child’s.” Her words held no malice or indignity.

Lapis glanced over at the now pocked mark wall where multiple paper donkey tails hung, smiling faintly. “At least they’re having fun. Isn't that the point of a birthday party?” she asked. 

Pearl ‘hmm’ed and nodded, unwilling to voice her true opinions any further. She returned to the cake and dishes, leaving Lapis to stare at her pale shoulders and neck. It compelled her forward, her fingers reaching out to trail against smooth skin and the sharp bones beneath. Tension met Lapis’ fingertips as Pearl's back straighten more than it usually was, as impossible as that seemed. 

“Lapis?”

“Do you remember that night at the bar?” Lapis’ voice was a whisper against the shell of Pearl's ear. She hoped her voice didn't sound hopeful. 

A pause. When Pearl spoke, her voice was low and conspiratory. “Yes.”

Some of the tension left Pearl's body as she halfway turned to look at her. Lapis released a soft exhale of breath as she pressed forward and kissed Pearl again, expecting to find none of the spark she imagined the first time. It was there though, strong and overwhelming. Lapis thought she might drown in it. Almost hoped she could. 

*

“What are we?” Lapis asked. 

It was months later now. Pearl was swirling a lazy pattern against Lapis' bare shoulder as a strip of sunlight slowly fell away from her bare stomach and dipping between her thighs. Lapis felt sticky from sex and uneasy about the ideas in her head. 

They had lapsed into a classic case of ‘friends-who-sometimes-fucked-a-lot’. It was fine at first when Lapis didn't want to admit Pearl stirred something inside of her. Lately though, she sometimes wanted to lace her fingers with long, slender ones during a movie. Sometimes she didn't want to fuck Pearl, just cuddle with her while they read books or watched television. Her palms itched with the increasingly constant urges that she resisted so as not to make their ‘friendship’ weird. 

If that was even possible at this point. 

Everything was weird anyway, she thought. 

“I don't follow,” Pearl said, finger stilling as she looked up. 

“You and I. We fuck on weekends then spend the other five or six days pretending to be nothing more than friends. I don't understand what that makes us.”

Pearl fell silent. Lapis felt her heart drop. 

“I've no idea, to be honest. I don't think we're compatible enough to do the dating thing,” Pearl said. “Is it too late to go back to being just friends? Well probably, I would wager. So, I'm not sure?”

Anger was rapidly filling Lapis as she sat up and tried her best not to lose her collective shit straightaway. It was excruciatingly difficult, however. 

“This is dumb,” she said. “Are we supposed to be fuck buddies forever then?”

Pearl silently contemplated the bedsheet as though the answer were lurking in its simple wavy pattern. It was all Lapis could take. Dressing quickly, she shot Pearl's back a final look.

“I can't believe I was so stupid. Again!” she shouted. “I keep trying with people and they just want to keep hurting me.” Her voice cracked with tears. “Why? What did I do so wrong for the universe to hate me so much?”

Pearl was sitting up now, looking at her with guilt written across her face. “You're a great person, Lapis. I'm sorry.” Though she sounded sincere, her words fell flat. 

Lapis spit at her and left.

She was done trusting people. Fuck them all. 

*

“Hey,” Steven said. He took a seat next to Lapis on the sand. “I haven't seen you lately and you haven't answered any of my calls. Are you okay?”

“No,” Lapis said. She didn't feel like elaborating. 

“Is this about Pearl?”

Lapis said nothing. 

“She doesn't want to talk about it either.” Steven sighed, digging his toes into the sand. “I don't like my friends being sad you know. Is there anything I can do to help you?”

Digging her fingers into the sand, Lapis remained silent. Steven looked disappointed but let it go. He watched ocean waves dance at the edge of sea and land before bumping his shoulder against Lapis’. He said nothing nor did he look at her but she understood. Hesitantly, she rested her head on Steven's shoulder and pretended she didn't cry the moment she did so. 

He held her hand long after the sun set.


End file.
